I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
