Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
