i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
