she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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