I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
