**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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