I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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