glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
