I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
