hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
