Ketchup is God's man juice
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
