hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
