We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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