i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
