Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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