you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
