loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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