Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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