i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
