when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
