haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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