and you said cock pushups were impossible
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
