summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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