My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
