im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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