Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
