...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
