Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
