Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
