is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
