This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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