no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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