I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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