I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
