Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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