We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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