I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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