I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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