I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
