As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
