a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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