i just had sex bonerless
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's shark week go big or go home
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
