um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
