Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
