My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
