Got a toothbrush?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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