My girlfriend figured out who you are.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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