Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
