He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
