I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
